What does true love look like? The word love is used so casually that it may be difficult to comprehend its true essence. Have you ever heard someone say, ‘I love this’, or I love that’? Usually, they are referring to an object that is incapable of reciprocating love. We may claim to love our cars, jobs, money, or other items that make us feel or look good, but is it accurate to describe what we feel for them as love? Dictionary.com defines love as an intense, deep affection for another person. Our first experiences of love come from the relationships that we have with family members or close friends. Love, then, is an experience relative to our interaction with others.
The different aspects of our relationships translate into differing types or levels of love for the people we relate to. The love we have for our parents, for example, will be different than the love we have for our spouses, significant others, or close friends. In that sense, love is like a diamond possessing many facets. It is such a part of the human experience that anyone can find, or be found, by love.
The British statesman and Prime Minister, Benjamin Disraeli once remarked, “we are all born for love. It is the principle of existence and its only end.” We are wired to experience it to the extent that we will search for and expect love. In 1984, the rock group, Foreigner had a hit with “I Want to Know What Love is.” It charted at number one in both American and British album sales. The song resonated with people’s fascination with and desire for love. It essentially asked the question, ‘what does love look like?’
In the Bible, we are taught that God is love, and that He showed His love by sending His Son to die for the sins of mankind. In return, believers are commanded to love God completely, with heart, soul, and mind. Matthew 22:37-39, “Jesus replied: love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: love your neighbor as yourself.” In God’s action and Christ’s command, we see both a description of love, and the order of love.
God’s demonstration of love was one of sacrifice, the giving of His Son. Love is not just a sentiment we express or an emotion that we feel. Love is revealed in action that inevitably involves vulnerability, investment, and sacrifice. In our love relationships what we do will validate our professions of love and affection. Love is, as we have heard, an action word. True love is seen in conduct, behavior, and activity that puts the ones we love in a place of priority. We give to, sacrifice for, and work to benefit the ones whom we claim to love.
The order of love, as revealed in the commandments is God first, others next, and us last of all. This is where we often get mixed up in our expressions of love. We assume we can love without God, or that we must love ourselves first to properly love others. Scripture is quite clear: the first order and foundation of love is to love God. And because love is not based on emotion but rather a decision, we must choose to serve, sacrifice for and honor God in our lives by our actions. Due to His great love directed to us through Christ, along with the many blessings He bestows upon us, it should be an easy thing to reciprocate love to Him.
Next, we are to love others as (or to the same degree) we love ourselves. This suggests that we cannot truly love either ourselves or others apart from loving God first. Love for self comes naturally to us but can easily become corrupted by narcissism and pride. Some people live entirely selfish lives thinking only of themselves. But we are commanded and expected to love others as well, and in an equal measure. This means that what I desire for me, I should desire for you and what I’m willing to do for me I should be willing to do for you. Love for one’s neighbor is the impetus for charitable deeds and gifts. Love is what moves us to sympathize and empathize with the sufferings of others (our neighbor).
So, what does true love look like? It is first an intense affection and devotion for God that is revealed in dependence upon Him. Then it is a healthy expression of the value of self, and a benevolent expression of brotherhood for our fellowman. That’s how God sees it and the Scriptures teach it. What does your love look like?